Stupid Guest Tricks

My wife sent this to me so I thought I would share. funny and true.


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

There is a Couplings episode (if you haven't seen this BBC comedy I HIGHLY recommend it - VERY FUNNY) that involves #1 sort of. Steve and Jeff were "Porn Buddies" which is explained as "If your buddy dies, you go and clean all the porn out of his flat before his parents get there to clear it out. And the fact that you get to KEEP the porn is just a fringe benefit."

I havent seen couplings but I am a Gavin & Stacy fan, along with DR. Who which I am behind on.

Thank you, svickersart!!! I so needed this after the last couple of weeks I've had. I may even copy it and reprint it to hang in my office.

I've seen #s 1-10 before. I 'really' love #s 16 and 23,so true. ;)

I think I need to add some of my own comments to some of these.


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. (I like the porn partners idea also, plus they should throw all your dirty cloths in the wash for you so mom doesnt see your on the 30 pairs of underwear plan.)

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. (crow is best consumed while still warm)

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
(energy is wasted on the young)

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
(someone really need to come up with this one)

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
(when we figure this out, we will truely know the answer to life, the universe and everything)

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
(yeah, why? cant read most of what people are writing anyway)

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. (and the route they ussually give is the long route anyway)

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. (really only if it starts with "he said" "hey watch this")

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
(no kidding)

10. Bad decisions make good stories. ( I have a friend and every story he tells starts with we were so drunk in some form or another) "hey, watch this"

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. ( I know when it will strike, its right after the clunk of the time clock)

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. (no shit, and I'm old enough to remember both albums and 8 tracks)

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. ( doesnt this make you feel like you need to vomit)

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. (Shhhhhhhh)

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. ( No way, sometimes its best just to toss stuff and not know what it was (this goes for the fridge too)

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. (know what causes pregnancy? Tequila)

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. (I would pay for this feature)

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
( thats why half our country is obese)

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? ( I say 3)

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
( and keep your heads down, those jerks sometimes shoot)

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (wear them until they fall off you)

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. (this one is a bit outdated, it needs to get changed from watch to cell phone.)

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time! (sometimes every 9 minutes for several hours)

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (but they still havent figured out how to think with the big head instead of the little head.)

Can you all tell I have time on my hands at work?
Steve

Steve has time on his hands at work??? Oh wait,,,see #11. :D:

I'm very efficient.

svickersart wrote:I'm very efficient.

Don't let the boss know. You'll be multi-tasking at the same pay in no time. :(

Its too late for that, been multi tasking for a few years now. They just went deer hunting all week, a 50 hour week for me, but I'm still a "furlowed" employee.