Stupid Guest Tricks

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" said my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started....

Score one for the wife.

A young lady was racing with us at a weekend regatta and, like me, chose not to drive all the way home on Saturday night with a skinful of mai tais and so elected to bunk down on the boat after the bar closed.

I was happily ensconced in the quarter berth while she was futzing about interminably getting her saloon pipe cot set up just the way she wanted. She finally clambered in and turned off the light. Then, in a plaintive voice she said, "Hey, do you mind passing up that spare lifejacket so I can use it as a pillow?"

"I have a much better idea," says I. "Why don't we pretend we're married?"

"Ooh, that would be fun," she giggled.

"Well then, get your own pillow."

And then the fight started.

Too Funny, Hobie! :p:

(For disclosures sake: yes, I am copying this verbatem from a Google Search Result)

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

Wow, these are great! Here's another...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 AM, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man "Holy crap. That must be my husband!"

The man flew out of the bed and jumped naked out the window. He smashed himself on the ground and ran through a thorn bush to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned, went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"

The woman yelled back, "Oh yeah, then why were you running?"

And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds..'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No." she answered.

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes."

"I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started...

A woman is looking at herself the bedroom mirror, and is not happy with what she sees. She says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

And then the fight started...