Stupid Guest Tricks

The Wallaby Household added two new family members last night. We've named one Oliver, and the other we haven't set ourselves on a name just yet. Pictures will come soon.

I have to admit, last night was my first time ever giving a cat a bath, and I've come to a conclusion. I'm never using the bath/shower/sink complex again; the toilet is your friend for these matters.

I have more scratches and bite marks than you can shake a stick at. Next time, I am leaving the bathing to someone else.

Better yet, these are now indoor cats. Forever.

Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved, Wisk -- dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.

I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitten odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.

The time comes, however, when a man must face reality; when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a Port-A-Potty on a hot day in Juarez."

When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:

-- Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift position.)

-- Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

-- Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.

-- Use the element of surprise. Pick up you cat nonchalantly, as if simply to carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion, as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)

-- Once you are inside the bathroom speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat into the water, and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

-- Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold onto him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

-- Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans are generally worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, drying is simple compared to what you have been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for the towel, and wait. (Occasionally the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens the best thing you can do is shake him loose and encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will be relaxed enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.

But at least now he smells a lot better.

Cheshire Figment wrote:Some people say cats never have to be bathed.

Hahahahahahaha!!! Very good!!

I suggest buying a monkey.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gkviIYKjPyw

Big Wallaby wrote:The Wallaby Household added two new family members last night. We've named one Oliver, and the other we haven't set ourselves on a name just yet. Pictures will come soon.

I have to admit, last night was my first time ever giving a cat a bath, and I've come to a conclusion. I'm never using the bath/shower/sink complex again; the toilet is your friend for these matters.

I have more scratches and bite marks than you can shake a stick at. Next time, I am leaving the bathing to someone else.

Better yet, these are now indoor cats. Forever.

hehehehe

Congratulations!!!

Welcome to the wonderful world of kitty "ownership", (who owns whom is always in question)

Strangely, one of the kitties we owned loved to play in the water of the bathroom sink. The other kitties we had regarded him as strange!

Cats rarely have to be bathed. All of our cats are indoor cats and they only get bathed in certain circumstances:

1.) Long haired cat falling into a pan of bacon grease that was soaking. A little dawn in the kitchen sink and she was right as rain
2.) Cats are on kitty tower. One cat throws up on the other cat. Other cat gets bath.
3.) Cat throws up in cat carrier on the road. Cat gets a quick dip.

Indoor cats almost never need to be bathed unless they are no good at keeping themselves clean. The best way to bathe a cat:

1.) Prepare everything in advance and go to a bathroom where you can close the day.
2.) Put a towel or something over the edge of the bathtub for the cat to cling to. It will help them stay calm (and not cling to you).
3.) Dip them in the water and shampoo. Most shampoos take about 10 minutes, so let the cat kind of wander the bathroom while you talk softly to it to keep it calm.
4.) Dip cat again to wash the shampoo off.
5.) Dry cat.

Some general tips: Wear rubber gloves, they will offer you at least a degree of protection from the claws. Make sure you stay calm. The cat can sense if you are afraid, stressed out, or nervous, and will respond accordingly. Take a deep breath, talk calmly, and you will be okay.

Some toys to recommend to a new kitty owner:
-Crazy circles! They are a ball inside a plastic circle. The ball cannot come out but can be batted around the track. It will keep them entertained for hours.
-Scratching post, specifically a climbing tower. Cats like to be up high, they also like to scratch. Climbing towers are great, they give them a sanctioned place to do both.
-Super scratchers. These are easily replaceable cardboard scratchers with catnip in them. The cats will love it (my hippy kitty loves to roll on it when I first open it and then watch all the pretty colors.)
-Catnip spray: you can spray it on their furniture which will encourage them to scratch that instead of your furniture.
-Soda can with coins in it. This is not a toy but a great way to discipline cats if your cat does not respond to a squirt bottle or you don't want water all over. Put a few coins in and shake it if they are doing something they aren't supposed to. They hate the noise and will stop immediately.
-Little balls or rolly things they can bat or chase around are always nice.
-Kitty laser pointers, you can drive them bananas with it, they love chasing the light!

I would also like to recommend the new breeze litterbox by tidy cats. I use it and love it. With the clay litter, there was dust and litter all over my kitchen. It would also form clumps that would adhere to the sides making cleaning a PITA, especially since I live in an apartment and have no way to hose it out. The breeze uses pellets that are pretty much dust free, plus, they don't get kicked all over (i can walk barefoot in my kitchen again!). There's a little pad underneath for the liquid waste, and it makes cleaning ten times easier! I love it.

Oh yeah- dripping faucets. Cats love to catch the water drips with their paws! We have a cat who learned how to turn on the kitchen sink by bumping the handle so she could get a trickle of water that she would play with and then drink. If you can invest in a pet fountain, those are great because they keep the water refreshed and your cat is more likely to drink it.

EeyoresButterfly wrote:Oh yeah- dripping faucets. Cats love to catch the water drips with their paws! We have a cat who learned how to turn on the kitchen sink by bumping the handle so she could get a trickle of water that she would play with and then drink. If you can invest in a pet fountain, those are great because they keep the water refreshed and your cat is more likely to drink it.

Awww, too cute!!

Big Wallaby wrote:The Wallaby Household added two new family members last night. We've named one Oliver, and the other we haven't set ourselves on a name just yet. Pictures will come soon.

I have to admit, last night was my first time ever giving a cat a bath, and I've come to a conclusion. I'm never using the bath/shower/sink complex again; the toilet is your friend for these matters.

I have more scratches and bite marks than you can shake a stick at. Next time, I am leaving the bathing to someone else.

Better yet, these are now indoor cats. Forever.

We have an Oliver as well! Wow! Maybe the two Oliver's will meet when we make the move to Florida!
Yay you have cats now! Your house is a home!

Check out this site! hehehe

http://www.yuckles.com/catbath.htm

METHOD #2: FLUSH 'N FLUFF
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The Dog


:hysteria:
Princess S

Actually, there is a breed or two of cats that must be bathed often--the Sphynx, or hairless cat, and a similar breed, the Russian Don. Because they have no fur to absorb the oil their skin produces, owners of Sphynx cats must bathe them 1-2 times a week, and clean their eyes, ears, teeth and claw sheaths daily. You get them used to it as kittens, and it's no prob. Oh, there's a third hairless breed--the Peterbald. Actually, they have more like "peachfuzz" than fur on them, so they're not truly hairless.

Cats that are going to be shown, such as Persian cats, are also most likely to need a bath.

I have to shave my cat. His fur's all matted and there's nothing we can do when it gets that way. He has some chronic stomach problems, and he was nearly emaciated a few years ago while the vets tried to figure out what was wrong. $300 per visit vet bills and numerous tests later, they still don't know. He gets chronically constipated, finally gets an enima, then feels fine. I've finally found the right balance of cheap/expensive, wet/dry, nutritionally sound/junkfood diet to keep him fairly normal. But he isn't "regular" and we go through a few days where he lies around the house smelling foul until he finally manages to use the litter box. Then he's fine again for another month. He's a matted mess again though after his last bout with it, and pretty stinky, so it's time to shave him. Shaved, he looks like a pathetic skinny grey rat. (sorry Bailey - I hope you aren't at home on the computer desk reading this. If you are GET OFF THE DESK! You know you aren't supposed to be up there!)