Stupid Guest Tricks

This happened on the same trip to Disneyland when we broke Pirates. We headed to the Monorail and asked to ride up front (is that annoying, or do you guys not care?) The Monorail Pilot gets in and is all business, like the front part of a mullet. Perhaps he wanted to impress us with his 133t Monorail skillz! We just wanted to take a spin around the park and see things from the front row. And to be honest, the back is full of SG's that we want to avoid. Little did we know...

So we get the green light and we go no where. Something went wrong. To borrow from Ron White, it was a 8 minute trip and we can't pull it off with this equipment. The CM is staring at the controls with the same look my dog has when I tell her to do anything. Another CM opens the door and is like WTF?!? She tells him to just do a restart, but Super-dude in the drivers seat thinks they need to call this one in. So he radio's into Monorail Traffic Control and it begins, "Be advised something broke and I was just checking the specs on the endline for the...rotary...girder...I'm retarded." They tell him to do something (I think it was something like, just do a restart) and he does it, but not before telling them "Be advised I am about to do a restart..." or "be advised the light on the left side is blinking..." Every time he'd key the radio, "be advised..." My wife, brother and I are all thinking the same thing "Be advised, you sound like an idiot."

So we finally get moving and it's awkward silence the whole way. The three of us not looking at each other, for fear of laughing at this guy. When we get to the next stop a new guy comes on board. He was much better and way more entertaining. I knew this would be a good run when we got the green light and we actually moved.

His spiel was great, it was him coming in and giving some info and then turning it over to the automated spiel with something like, "go ahead, pick up the mic, it's right over there, hey you got it!" and then the automated part kicks in. He was freakin hilarious especially when you get to see him do it, and his timing was perfect. He seemed to enjoy that part of the job and we were probably the only ones (besides him) on the monorail who enjoyed it. Unless it is the warning in spanish about the doors closing, we all know that people don't listen. I bet if we search long enough we could find a website dedicated to that.

So, if you're reading this and you broke the monorail and say things starting with "be advised", you can sleep well knowing that three guests laughed at you that night. I'm sure more than a few CM's too...

That reminds me of the time when I was in the Army and I competed in a M-60 machine gun competition. Everyone attending was an old hand and had plenty of experience with the weapon.

The sergeant running the show decided to review the disassembly and reassembly of the weapon and started out by saying, "I know you all think you know all there is to know about the M-60 but forget everything you know because you DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'!"

He tore the weapon apart but halfway through reassembly he suffered a brain cramp and completly forgot what he was doing. After an extremely pregnant pause, a voice in the back of the crowd stage whispered, "Looks like he forgot too."

The sergeant demanded to know made the crack but no one fessed up. His credibility was toast for the rest of the weekend.

Before coming to disney, I worked as a RSO on a Coast Guard Rescue Helo. This is a true conversation I had on a radio while on training assignment at a base station. My end of the conversation was N33-D was unknown or UKN

UKN: November thirty anyone in area.

N33-D: This is Coast Guard radio station November, three, three, Delta. You are on an emergency channel, please state your emergency or switch your broadcaster.

UKN: There's water everywhere we need help.

N33-D: Sir, what is your location? (I begin the dispatch procedure)

UKN: We're at Nometcken inlet about forty miles from the point light West North West.

N33-D: What size craft are we looking at?

UKN: About 190ft, 150 gross tons.

N33-D: Ok sir, we have rescue in route, I want you to close all the lower compartments and turn on your bilge pumps.

UKN: Okay but I don't know how it will help. The flood is in the upper compartments

N33-D: How is that possible?

UNK: Well I was trying to fill my toilet tank and all of a sudden it started to overflow.

(about this time the rescue ship had arrived and took over.)

Rescue ship: November, three, three, Delta. all this guy needed was a good plumer and a ticket for dumping his waist tank out at sea. We have it from here.

N33-D: November Delta clear.

Though this was a training exersize, I never forgot the lesson to never jump to any conclusions. :D: