Here's Your Sign: The Disney Saga
Posted: Tue Jul 06, 2004 5:19 pm
Hey everyone. New here, but saw the premise of the site, had to join. Being a fan of Bill Engvall, I simply had to start a Disney version of his famous, Here's Your Sign series. I've collected these from friends at work. Mostly Area 60 Merchandise at the Studios (Indiana Jones Adventure Outpost and Tatooine Traders), and my area 3 (Fantasmic!). The whole thing has grown to the point to where I've actually taken the time to put these into an ever growing book.
So, here is the book:
Now for those of you who are new to this little marvel, here's the deal. Here's Your Sign was a skit originally started by Bill Engvall. In general, H.Y.S, is the "Stupid answer to the stupid question." Well, at Disney, the tradition continues. I introduced many cast members that I know to one of the greatest past times while at work which is simply a book named "Here's Your Sign: The Disney Edition" Basically, whenever we get a stupid question, we record it in the book. I swear to you these are all 100% real, nothing about the question was altered.
Ladies and Gentlemen, in the 1950s (At least introduced to Disney parks), tourists were born. In 2004, it was discovered that tourists and goldfish have something in common, they retain information for 3 seconds, which explains for their stupidity. It's amazing and confusing. Even the smartest people in the world can walk through the gates of a Disney Park, and turn into a complete idiot.
*Please note, 8 15, 16, 17, and 24 are not actual answers, just the ones we wanted to give. The rest of the list are true answers.
1. What time does the 3 o'clock parade start?
At 4 o' clock (SHE WALKED AWAY)
2. Where is the Terminator Ride?
Ok, lots of directions so you might want to write these down. Go to the exit of the park, go back to I-4 and go east bound...(This ride is at Universal Studios so, You know the rest)
3. Where is the Prime Time Cafe?
(This was actually given (as the answer): From here?
(This has to be the first time I have EVER run into a H.Y.S for an ANSWER.)
4. (Standing no more than ten feet away from a restroom) Where's the restroom?
(Pointing in the opposite direction) Down the walk way to your right.
5. (This was a TEN MINUTE ARGUMENT) Where is the boat from MAGIC KINGDOM to UNIVERSAL STUDIOS?
I believe the dock is at Animal Kingdom (The idiot, he lost the "Guest" status after the argument got passed the five second mark, finally gave up)
6. (While standing inside the shop) Where's the gift shop for Star Tours?
(Look around the shop) Sorry sir/ma'am, we don't have one.
7. (In the shop) Is this the exit for Star Tours?
No actually this is the entrance, the exit is over by the Tower of Terror
8. (No more than 20 feet away from the attraction) Where is Star Tours?
Go back to the hat, walk down Mickey Ave. to Streets of America (recently changed from New York Street), walk to the end of that and make a right, then a left. (Basically, this gives them a tour of the park, and they finally end up at Star Tours)
9. Is Rockin Roller Coaster this way? (Pointing towards Star Tours area which is on the opposite side of the park)
Yes
10. Is the Tower of Terror this way (Again pointing towards Star Tours area)
We actually don't have that anymore, it was moved to Disneyland.
11. Do you have a map? (While standing in front of a stack)
More important question, do you have a brain in your skull?
12. How do I get to the monorail to EPCOT? (Question asked at The Studios)
I'm sorry, we just finished tearing that down.
13. I was walking by the Astro Orbiter (In Tomorrowland at Magic Kingdom) and I was hoping I had misheard the group wrong. Sure enough, they said what I heard:
Oh look! There's MISSION: SPACE! (An argument then started over the location of MS, which is located at EPCOT).
14. What is the wait time for Rockin Roller Coaster? (With a sign telling the time above them in bold letters saying "Wait Time")
About 3 hours, give or take a day..
15. Where is the Backlot Express? (While HOLDING A MAP IN HER HAND, WITH IT OPEN, AND YES, STANDING IN FRONT OF THE BE)
First thing, go to lost and found and see if they found your head!
16. How much is this? (WHILE THE PRICE TAG WAS IN FRONT OF HER ON THE ITEM!)
Too expensive for you.
17. Do you think they'll have this hat at UNIVERSAL STUDIOS?
Before you look for that hat, Do they sell brains where you come from?
18. (While at the Indiana Jones Outpost...yes, at the Studios) How do I get to the MGM Studios?
Daughter: Dad, we're at MGM
Father: No, we're at Universal right now
(I was passing through the shop) I have no comment for this, other than when I walked backstage, I pulled out my pistol (At the moment I was working at the Outpost), stuck it in my mouth and hoping it would somehow fire a bullet, pulled the trigger.
19. Where is the Prime Time Cafe (Again, with a map, open and in their hands)
Its at Downtown Disney.
20 (While at the Outpost, with a MAGIC KINGDOM MAP OPEN) Where is Tom Sawyers Island?
Um, about 10, maybe 20 miles from here.
21. Announcement: " This tram goes to the main car parking lot and the complementary bus lot ONLY. We do not go to the Disney Buses" This is announced about five times. I over heard a guy in front of me ask his wife (I'm guessing)
"Does this go to the DISNEY BUSES?"
Guest 1: Guess how many people Animal Kingdom can hold.
Guest 2: How many?
Guest 1: about 40,000.
Guest 2: Oh? Here at Disney World in general
(I'm not even going to make one up. Just shoot her!!)
23. Outside of the River Rapids (A sign posted reads "Might Get SOAKED")
"Wow, lots of people are coming off here really wet"
"Really? Wow, who would've thought you could get soaked on a RIVER RAPID WATER RIDE
24. "How do we get over to that area" (Pointing to Everest, which is still UNDER CONSTRUCTION)
"Swim across the lake and hope you don't get caught"
25. Are you using these seats?"
"Nope, we're just hoarding them in case there is a chair shortageā€¯
26. (While waiting to escort the next wheelchair party, which was located near a concession stand) "Are you in line?"
"Nope. Just a strange coincidence that I'm wearing the exact same thing as the people who work here"
27. Announcement: Due to inclimate weather, this performance of the Disney Stars and Motorcars Parade, has been cancelled.
"Why has the parade been cancelled?"
"Because we didn't feel like having it"
28. *Stage manager comes on the intercom at Fantasmic*
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do have some unwanted news. At this time, the show has been postponed due to lightning in the area. The reason because of this is for the safety of our cast and guests."
(Place was dead silence during the announcement) No more than 10 seconds later, I get the question...
"Why was the show delayed?"
30. "I have a question. What time do they roll the EPCOT ball out?"
Sir, the Spaceship Earth is stationary
Yeah, what time do they bring it out?
"6:30"
If your ever at Fantasmic! Look for the one with the Mickey Hands and ask if that person is Indy...cause that's me.
So, here is the book:
Now for those of you who are new to this little marvel, here's the deal. Here's Your Sign was a skit originally started by Bill Engvall. In general, H.Y.S, is the "Stupid answer to the stupid question." Well, at Disney, the tradition continues. I introduced many cast members that I know to one of the greatest past times while at work which is simply a book named "Here's Your Sign: The Disney Edition" Basically, whenever we get a stupid question, we record it in the book. I swear to you these are all 100% real, nothing about the question was altered.
Ladies and Gentlemen, in the 1950s (At least introduced to Disney parks), tourists were born. In 2004, it was discovered that tourists and goldfish have something in common, they retain information for 3 seconds, which explains for their stupidity. It's amazing and confusing. Even the smartest people in the world can walk through the gates of a Disney Park, and turn into a complete idiot.
*Please note, 8 15, 16, 17, and 24 are not actual answers, just the ones we wanted to give. The rest of the list are true answers.
1. What time does the 3 o'clock parade start?
At 4 o' clock (SHE WALKED AWAY)
2. Where is the Terminator Ride?
Ok, lots of directions so you might want to write these down. Go to the exit of the park, go back to I-4 and go east bound...(This ride is at Universal Studios so, You know the rest)
3. Where is the Prime Time Cafe?
(This was actually given (as the answer): From here?
(This has to be the first time I have EVER run into a H.Y.S for an ANSWER.)
4. (Standing no more than ten feet away from a restroom) Where's the restroom?
(Pointing in the opposite direction) Down the walk way to your right.
5. (This was a TEN MINUTE ARGUMENT) Where is the boat from MAGIC KINGDOM to UNIVERSAL STUDIOS?
I believe the dock is at Animal Kingdom (The idiot, he lost the "Guest" status after the argument got passed the five second mark, finally gave up)
6. (While standing inside the shop) Where's the gift shop for Star Tours?
(Look around the shop) Sorry sir/ma'am, we don't have one.
7. (In the shop) Is this the exit for Star Tours?
No actually this is the entrance, the exit is over by the Tower of Terror
8. (No more than 20 feet away from the attraction) Where is Star Tours?
Go back to the hat, walk down Mickey Ave. to Streets of America (recently changed from New York Street), walk to the end of that and make a right, then a left. (Basically, this gives them a tour of the park, and they finally end up at Star Tours)
9. Is Rockin Roller Coaster this way? (Pointing towards Star Tours area which is on the opposite side of the park)
Yes
10. Is the Tower of Terror this way (Again pointing towards Star Tours area)
We actually don't have that anymore, it was moved to Disneyland.
11. Do you have a map? (While standing in front of a stack)
More important question, do you have a brain in your skull?
12. How do I get to the monorail to EPCOT? (Question asked at The Studios)
I'm sorry, we just finished tearing that down.
13. I was walking by the Astro Orbiter (In Tomorrowland at Magic Kingdom) and I was hoping I had misheard the group wrong. Sure enough, they said what I heard:
Oh look! There's MISSION: SPACE! (An argument then started over the location of MS, which is located at EPCOT).
14. What is the wait time for Rockin Roller Coaster? (With a sign telling the time above them in bold letters saying "Wait Time")
About 3 hours, give or take a day..
15. Where is the Backlot Express? (While HOLDING A MAP IN HER HAND, WITH IT OPEN, AND YES, STANDING IN FRONT OF THE BE)
First thing, go to lost and found and see if they found your head!
16. How much is this? (WHILE THE PRICE TAG WAS IN FRONT OF HER ON THE ITEM!)
Too expensive for you.
17. Do you think they'll have this hat at UNIVERSAL STUDIOS?
Before you look for that hat, Do they sell brains where you come from?
18. (While at the Indiana Jones Outpost...yes, at the Studios) How do I get to the MGM Studios?
Daughter: Dad, we're at MGM
Father: No, we're at Universal right now
(I was passing through the shop) I have no comment for this, other than when I walked backstage, I pulled out my pistol (At the moment I was working at the Outpost), stuck it in my mouth and hoping it would somehow fire a bullet, pulled the trigger.
19. Where is the Prime Time Cafe (Again, with a map, open and in their hands)
Its at Downtown Disney.
20 (While at the Outpost, with a MAGIC KINGDOM MAP OPEN) Where is Tom Sawyers Island?
Um, about 10, maybe 20 miles from here.
21. Announcement: " This tram goes to the main car parking lot and the complementary bus lot ONLY. We do not go to the Disney Buses" This is announced about five times. I over heard a guy in front of me ask his wife (I'm guessing)
"Does this go to the DISNEY BUSES?"
Guest 1: Guess how many people Animal Kingdom can hold.
Guest 2: How many?
Guest 1: about 40,000.
Guest 2: Oh? Here at Disney World in general
(I'm not even going to make one up. Just shoot her!!)
23. Outside of the River Rapids (A sign posted reads "Might Get SOAKED")
"Wow, lots of people are coming off here really wet"
"Really? Wow, who would've thought you could get soaked on a RIVER RAPID WATER RIDE
24. "How do we get over to that area" (Pointing to Everest, which is still UNDER CONSTRUCTION)
"Swim across the lake and hope you don't get caught"
25. Are you using these seats?"
"Nope, we're just hoarding them in case there is a chair shortageā€¯
26. (While waiting to escort the next wheelchair party, which was located near a concession stand) "Are you in line?"
"Nope. Just a strange coincidence that I'm wearing the exact same thing as the people who work here"
27. Announcement: Due to inclimate weather, this performance of the Disney Stars and Motorcars Parade, has been cancelled.
"Why has the parade been cancelled?"
"Because we didn't feel like having it"
28. *Stage manager comes on the intercom at Fantasmic*
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do have some unwanted news. At this time, the show has been postponed due to lightning in the area. The reason because of this is for the safety of our cast and guests."
(Place was dead silence during the announcement) No more than 10 seconds later, I get the question...
"Why was the show delayed?"
30. "I have a question. What time do they roll the EPCOT ball out?"
Sir, the Spaceship Earth is stationary
Yeah, what time do they bring it out?
"6:30"
If your ever at Fantasmic! Look for the one with the Mickey Hands and ask if that person is Indy...cause that's me.