Adventures In Fruity Drink Land

[DisneyMom]

Heh! When the oldest daughter, Andrea, was twelve I got roped into driving her Girl Scout troop on a field trip to Monterey so they could tour a Coast Guard cutter commanded by a woman. There were mothers driving too but I was still the only male on the trip.

We got to Monterey and parked on the end of the Coast Guard breakwater next to the ship. The deal was we'd walk back to the beach and have lunch and then take the tour. Some of the girls ran ahead while some of us stopped to watch some sea otters. We got to the beach, I dropped our stuff, laid out a towel to sit on and started looking for Andrea.

I scanned the beach and didn't see her. I scanned back the other way and still didn't see her. I went back the other direction and still didn't see her. While scanning back and forth I did see some girls in bikinis playing in the shore break. I glanced back at them and suddenly realize Andrea was in the middle of them in a bright lime green bikini. That was my first surprise. The second was, what the hell is that on her chest and where did they come from?

Queue the sighing and eye rolling.

So I'm sitting there wondering when all this happened when, out of the corner of my eye, I spot some dude with his eyes popping out while he's zeroing in on the Girl Scouts.

I stand up, circle around, and walk up next to him. He looks at me and says, "Pretty hot babes huh?"

I look him dead in the eye and reply, "Dude, they're all twelve years old."

Apparently he was very perceptive as his eyes got big, he gulped, and there was a loud bang when the air filled in the space he had suddenly exited.

My wife still thinks this is one of the funniest stories she's ever heard.

It is a great story! And yeah, I was stunned when I saw all of the young ladies at my sons' elementary school graduations

[Big Wallaby]

Someone told me there was a turtle somewhere in this picture. Haven't spotted it yet... :p:

The Turtle is just to the left of the Dad with a Shotgun! ;)

Thank you, DisneyMom. Them be the words I was trying to find.

Apparently he was very perceptive as his eyes got big, he gulped, and there was a loud bang when the air filled in the space he had suddenly exited.

I have to give him that credit. It's one thing to not know a girl's age, think she is older and find her cute. My wife has the obvious problem, I have probably told the story here about the time we went to Nick's Place at DTD, I took her in to introduce her to Nick, she left to go to the bathroom and he leaned over the counter and quietly accused me of robbing the cradle. At 31, I have seen 15-year-old kids that looked older than my wife. And she is older than me by one month exactly.

So the fact that the guy in your story immediately stopped finding your daughter and her friends hot tells me that hopefully he had a certain innocence to him. One more reason a no-touchy policy is good.

And that is one more reason to make sure you do your dating in a safe place. You never know who you are talking to. Just because she says she's a certain age means nothing. Show me ID.

I am SO glad I am happily married, and when I appreciate a lady's beauty, there is no desire behind it. Whenever I go on a photoshoot with models, I like to have Little Wallaby along.

Then, yesterday, I find out that someone I had thought was a friend is currently in the Oregon State Penn serving 15 years for molestation. Personally, [REDACTED COMMENT ABOUT KILLING THE BAST**D].

[BRWombat]

Someone told me there was a turtle somewhere in this picture. Haven't spotted it yet... :p:

The Turtle is just to the left of the Dad with a Shotgun! ;)

Okay, there it is... Funny, now I can't see the girl.

[delsdad]

The Turtle is just to the left of the Dad with a Shotgun! ;)

[hobie16]

Eight Rules For Dating My Daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.

[delsdad]

Eight Rules For Dating My Daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.
............

I must have these rules printed and laminated. Mine is only 9, but already a boy in the class is giving her flowers at school! Luckily our next door neighbor is a retired ex nun. She still has the penguin glare ready at a moments notice. And on the other side, a retired judge. Very handy!

[darph nader]

[shilohmm]

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.

While driving my kids to choir the other day, this guy randomly stumbled toward the street, and I realized he'd tripped over his own pants. Not only were his pants hanging so low he had to sort of waddle to move along; they would have fallen right off if he didn't hitch them up every step. Always thought zoot suits were the dumbest bit of male fashion I'd ever seen, but at least zoot suits were worn with suspenders!

[felinefan]

I can remember back in the 70s when a man's pants were so tight they rendered the pockets useless. Unless, of course, he was wearing jeans. Why do kids want to wear baggy pants in imitation of prisoners? Do they think it makes them look tough? You know what I think makes a guy look tough? A guy who's driving down the freeway, sees a kitten dumped along the side of the road, pulls over and rescues the kitten, then goes after the jerk who threw said kitten out of their car at high speed in the first place. I wrote down the link to that news story a few days ago, but I can't seem to find it in my purse.... you can probably still find it online though.

[delsdad]

I can remember back in the 70s when a man's pants were so tight they rendered the pockets useless. Unless, of course, he was wearing jeans. Why do kids want to wear baggy pants in imitation of prisoners? Do they think it makes them look tough? You know what I think makes a guy look tough? A guy who's driving down the freeway, sees a kitten dumped along the side of the road, pulls over and rescues the kitten, then goes after the jerk who threw said kitten out of their car at high speed in the first place. I wrote down the link to that news story a few days ago, but I can't seem to find it in my purse.... you can probably still find it online though.