Stupid Guest Tricks

Zazu wrote:Well, it's not from today, but....

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LOVE this one...of course being a cat lover and all...good one Zazu! :D:
sues

All the recent entries are wonderful! LOL!!!!! :hysteria:

I always liked the Chuck Norris ones...If you have never seen them...here they are! Pretty good!

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

The Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately
spotted a large, beautiful parrot..
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
'Why so little?,' she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said,
'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in
a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some
pretty vulgar stuff.'

The woman thought about this, but decided she had
to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her
living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
'New house, new madam.'

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school
the bird saw and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls.'

The girls and the woman were a bit offended
but then began to laugh about the situation
considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith
came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,
'Hi, Keith!'

HAH!

Know anyone named Keith? It would be perfect to send to him. LOL

vixen101485 wrote:HAH!

Know anyone named Keith? It would be perfect to send to him. LOL

I could edit it! What name do we want???????

Naw, I read it to Donnie and he is going to send it to his friend Keith...lol

OK, THIS IS A WARNING: RATED R CONTENT AHEAD!!!!!!!!!
(Heard on AM Radio show with Mark and Brian)
A woman falls in love with a man who is equally smitten with her. Despite the
fact that she was married and widowed 3 times before, he proposes and they are married almost immediately.
On their Wedding Night, She cautions her new Husband,
"Please be gentle, I'm a Virgin!"
"What", he sputters."You've been married three times before!"
"Yes", she nods."Let me explain. My first husband was a gynecologist. He only wanted to examine it."
"My Second Husband was a Psychologist. He only wanted to analyze it."
"Well, what about your Third Husband?"
"Oh, Bill? He was a stamp collector. God, I miss him!" :D:

DisneyMom wrote:OK, THIS IS A WARNING: RATED R CONTENT AHEAD!!!!!!!!!
(Heard on AM Radio show with Mark and Brian)
A woman falls in love with a man who is equally smitten with her. Despite the
fact that she was married and widowed 3 times before, he proposes and they are married almost immediately.
On their Wedding Night, She cautions her new Husband,
"Please be gentle, I'm a Virgin!"
"What", he sputters."You've been married three times before!"
"Yes", she nods."Let me explain. My first husband was a gynecologist. He only wanted to examine it."
"My Second Husband was a Psychologist. He only wanted to analyze it."
"Well, what about your Third Husband?"
"Oh, Bill? He was a stamp collector. God, I miss him!" :D:

The version I heard had the third husband working as a gourmet chef.

LOLOLOL to both of the jokes!!!! Made me smile! :D:

The IRS decides to audit Boudreaux, and summons him to their office. The auditor is not surprised when Boudreaux shows up with his attorney. The IRS had demanded $23,000 in taxes from Boudreaux due to unreported income.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Boudreaux. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Boudreaux says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Boudreaux removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Boudreaux says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Boudreaux isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Boudreaux removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Boudreaux's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Boudreaux asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Boudreaux stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Boudreaux's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Boudreaux told me he'd been summoned to appear in person before the IRS, he bet me twenty-thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."