Stupid Guest Tricks

My only ticket ever has been from not having my headlights all the way on, figured out finally that it is very easy to turn them off when hitting the blinker. I think this is an appropriate thread for Zazu to share his stuck transmission story :)

kurtisnelson wrote:My only ticket ever has been from not having my headlights all the way on, figured out finally that it is very easy to turn them off when hitting the blinker. I think this is an appropriate thread for Zazu to share his stuck transmission story :)

Well, since you asked....

Farquhar P. Frothingslosh was a '55 Chevy pick-up owned by my boyhood friend and idol, J. Quentin Angus. He painteed "FTW" backwards on the front of the hood, but there was so much Bondo and rust you couldn't really read it.

One day when he left my house, he backed it into the street, then backed up some more, then backed up again, finally backing into a parking spot. All the while, the truck was making some pretty horrific noises, even for Farquahr.

I sauntered over to see what the problem was, and in a sentence that was more than 50% obscenities, my pal explained that he could not get the transmission out of reverse. Two beers and much discussion later, we had a plan.

We removed the red taillight lenses from the back of the truck, providing white lights to the rear. We swapped the red lenses from the wheel well lights with the front parking lights to provide red lights to the front. We waited until about 3am, then with me riding in the tailgate shouting directions and my pal steering, we proceeded to back the eight miles to his house.

The cop stopped us less than 50 yards from his driveway.

A careful (and mostly non-obscene) explanation, a demonstration of the noised caused by trying to shift, and a very sharp recitation of the requirements for lights on vehicles, and the cop elected to follow us the 50 yards, and remained to watch us until we opened the garage to put the truck away.

It was a most interesting drive that I am happy not to have repeated.

But my favorite wreck story involved my own 1980 Dodge Polara named "Betsy" (after Dan'l Boone's rifle).

Short story: I was making a right turn. Some moron in a BMW tried to pass me on the right as I did so!

Results: I could no longer get the right rear window to roll up and down; the Beamer was totaled.

I call that a win!

lady ulrike wrote:One of the car's I was driving (my mom's) was totaled twice by the insurance company's definition, and it still drove. Although, I think that was my only totalings. (I don't think that's a word, but you know what I'm trying to say) Most of them were in my truck, so it wasn't much physical damage. And this accident record of mine is exactly why I would love to own a Hummer (not a stupid H2 or H3 or whatever, a real one) cause people can hit me all they want and I figure I'll barely even feel it. :)

My definition is when you have a shop straighten the chassis, and the frame rails still form an "S". That 90 RX-7 was far beyond totaled. When "the group", I shall call me and my friends, got it, the front right frame was fubar'd, sitting at a 28* angle from where it should have been. Apparently a Ford truck taught the PO that running red lights is a bad thing. So we get the salvage title, and find an RX-7 in a junkyard with that section in tact, and cut it off.

So we go to the 90, and remove all the bolts needed to remove the engine. Only to realize that the opening above the engine is too small to lift it out. So up it goes on the chassis lift. We unbolt the crossmember and sway bar to try to get it out that way. No beans. KJ ended up getting a sawzall for the crossmember and a crowbar for the motor. That worked pretty well. With the motor out of the way, we cut off the damaged section and welded on our junker car frame section. Well, there was a wrinkle and some rust in the DS rear quarter, so we cut out that section and weld in some new steel. Plan was to throw a widebody on it so uh... they let me weld. Less than pretty.

So now the car is green, white, and primer grey, has no front end parts to speak of and no engine. Well, we want to start building the car up, so we get a spare crossmember, and throw the stock motor back in. Started it up. Yea, those apex seals lasted about 20 minutes. So the motor comes back out, and we get a Cosmo 3 rotor and a transmission from a 95TT RX7, and throw that in there.

Then the differential pulls a Monorail Blue, and power's only going to one of the wheels. So bam, new driveshaft mated to an R230 differential out of a 90-96 300ZX TT. Then stuff stopped breaking, through sheer dumb luck I would guess. Then 2 months later stuff changes. Ever seen those houses that are below the level of the road, so have really steep driveways? Well, the e-brake decided to stop working. Stopped working right into a lawnmower.

So the rear bumper, bumper cover, and quite frankly the back of the car is messed up. Out comes the sheet metal, and we cut out and replace everything on the chassis, and get the rear bumper from that poor JY RX-7 we'd vandalized so much already. So at this point we decide that since we need a new bumper cover, why not get the body kitted? Since the car was in Tampa, running around with no front bumper cover is a sure way to get your intercooler stolen. Twice.

So the GT Sport kit goes on, and lord help us, we decide to paint it. I'm not sure whose idea it was to paint the car orange. But we did it, we had an orange car with a burgundy interior. It was like driving a grapefruit. But it actually didn't look half bad considering what it had been through. I even ground down some of my craptastic welds on the rear quarter panel. So at this point we start running it around pretty hard, and I was having tons of fun. Then a telephone pole came outta nowhere, and woke me up pretty well. That's when the frame got messed up the first time. So off to the frame shop it goes, straightening it as best as we could.

Well, it was running fine other than having to replace the PS rear suspension goodies. So hey, why not fix it? So we go back to the junkyard to cut out the quarter panel to fine our dedicated parts car missing. I guess after a few weeks of us not showing up and stealing stuff from it's carcass inspired them to crush it. So eventually, we find one in a JY in Ft. Lauderdale. So part of the group goes down there and brings back... pretty much the whole back end of that RX7. More slicing and dicing, and bam. We've got a good quarter panel. So now we've got an RX7 that's half orange, half blue, with the rear bumper cover and spoiler off of a Turbo II, with one side skirt and the fascia from GT Sport.

We decided that side skirts are for sissies (we didn't have any more money for a replacement), so ditched the DS survivor and painted the car... orange. For whatever reason, we decided on painting it black but bought orange paint anyway.

Well, then it's somebody else's turn to wreck it. It's a tire wall on *gasp* a real track this time. Apparently somebody wasn't as good an autoX'r as she thought, and slid it backwards off of the course. Right into the pristine (for this car) driver side rear quarter. Popped the sheet metal I welded in right out, wrinkled everything up, and brake both taillights somehow. Back to the frame shop again, but they just couldn't seem to straighten the frame perfect. And then it drove crooked.

We ended up pulling the engine and transmission out, and putting it in that 94 RX-7. For me to total at a later time. I've been told that Keisha fixed it up and drove it for a while with the stock engine and transmission, then managed to sell it. So somewhere there's apparently a blue 90 RX-7 with a burgundy interior that; if you sand off the paint, fiberglass, and bondo; used to be orange and is actually some kind of mutated creature made up of like 5 RX-7s, and enough mild steel to build a small house.

It is at that point that I considered the car totaled, when your driving reminds people in traffic helicopters of crabs on a beach. Anyway, that's the worst as I've ever had a car done, but then again it was a $200 car after fees and taxes and everything.
/rant


To sum all of that up, I am one of those stupid drivers. Only with skills!

Zazu wrote:Results: I could no longer get the right rear window to roll up and down; the Beamer was totaled.

I call that a win!

Detroit Iron always wins! ;)

Zazu wrote:...Two beers and much discussion later, we had a plan...

Just two beers? Riiiiiiight... :D:

Great story, Zazu!

BRWombat wrote:Just two beers? Riiiiiiight... :D:

Great story, Zazu!

I was thinking the same thing. (light weight)

darph nader wrote:I was thinking the same thing. (light weight)

I have a friend who gets drunk from one shot of anything, it is quite humorous because he gets really quiet and starts having private conversations in his head with the people around him, it is interesting when he thinks one of those conversations was real.

BRWombat wrote:Just two beers?

2 more than I've ever downed. Hate the taste of beer! Can't even drink it when racing bajas @ Salton Sea or Glamis. I need my :coke: . darph, we have nothing in common. :( Zazu, keep those stories rolling. U R the master. :)