Did The Definition of the Word "Parent" Change?

[DisneyMom]

You can be a good or bad parent of a child with special needs as well! I realize that all of these kids differ from each other, but in my child's case (autism) I watched him LIKE A HAWK, and he didn't go around hitting people, or stomping on their toes. I know this because I made sure he didn't even LOOK at people for more than a second while I was around without my watching over it....Disneyland is full of random people and you never know what could happen if someone becomes offended, let alone hit or stomped. How hard is it to watch your kid in line, anyway? If it is really too difficult for your kid to behave in line,get a GAC or Don't Go, nothing against you or the kid. How much are you going to enjoy the day if injuries result?

[june1st1997]

So its Okay for your daughter to go kick a stranger, and/or step hard on the bare toes of a stranger, like Syndrome described?

Bumping into someone in line, by a little one, is no big deal. its happened both at WDW and DLR. But to have a kid, of any age, assault an adult and not expect anything is beyond rude (and stupid)

I recall a story of a certain Safari driver that had a kid yell into his ear from a few inches away, effectively causing temporary defness, Is that okay? And I believe that was after the parents encouraged it. (yes they were total SG's)

And if your daughter does that (being a SG) and does assault someone, and they react the way anyone would, you are then going to further assault them?

Just wondering at what point you correct the bad behavior?

But how does she even know the kid understood what her was doing was wrong? We don't know how old this kid was. I know if the same happened with my little one, she might have thought it was a game. You step on my toes, I step on yours. It's possible she would not have understood she had hurt someone.

When do I correct bad behavior? I am vigilant to make sure the bad behavior does not happen. I am very watchful of her and if she did bump or whack someone, I would apologize as if I had done it myself. Her actions are my responsibility.

I can tell you right now my child would never yell like that on a ride, or sit on chains or horseplay in line. It would happen once and she would leave the park. Going to DLR is a privilege not a right.

To whom much is given, much is expected. And she knows even at 2 what is expected of her at DLR.

I was just at playhouse disney at CA. I was pummeled by a kid who had to be 6. Totally out of control. I assumed by the beating I took that this kid could not control himself. Was I pissed, ya. I was sore the rest of the day. My daughter would have never acted like that and on the off chance she did, I'd a yanked her from that place so fast. But, it never occurred to me to turn around and hit him back. All I cared about was making sure this kid got nowhere near my kid.

To gloat about how you would kick some kid is low.

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

But how does she even know the kid understood what her was doing was wrong? We don't know how old this kid was. I know if the same happened with my little one, she might have thought it was a game. You step on my toes, I step on yours. It's possible she would not have understood she had hurt someone.

When do I correct bad behavior? I am vigilant to make sure the bad behavior does not happen. I am very watchful of her and if she did bump or whack someone, I would apologize as if I had done it myself. Her actions are my responsibility.

I can tell you right now my child would never yell like that on a ride, or sit on chains or horseplay in line. It would happen once and she would leave the park. Going to DLR is a privilege not a right.

To whom much is given, much is expected. And she knows even at 2 what is expected of her at DLR.

I was just at playhouse disney at CA. I was pummeled by a kid who had to be 6. Totally out of control. I assumed by the beating I took that this kid could not control himself. Was I pissed, ya. I was sore the rest of the day. My daughter would have never acted like that and on the off chance she did, I'd a yanked her from that place so fast. But, it never occurred to me to turn around and hit him back. All I cared about was making sure this kid got nowhere near my kid.

To gloat about how you would kick some kid is low.

Right. The thing is, I don't want my, or DW's time at the park marred by having to hobble around on sore feet, or deal with someone elses brat. And that is just what they are, nothing more or less. I have raised kids and now take my grandkids to the park, and yes they behave. Not because they will get smacked, but because they know they could be.

I won't get in a big discussion about how to teach kids to behave, each has there own level. For my son, a smack on the bottom was needed just to get his attention, for my daughter, I only had to slightly raise my voice.

Its just that if you don't make your kids behave, you get the situation described above, and various incidents. I don't want to go to someplace wonderful like DLR or WDW, and have to deal with the parental shortcomings of theirs because they can't say "NO" or make their little perfect kids behave. (and ASK them, they will tell you that they are all perfect.)

The really good kids never need much supervision on their behaviour in a setting like the parks, the darlings that are perfect need continous watching.

sadly, experience has taught us that the latter is more common than the former.

[Zazu]

I'm afraid I have to count myself among those who kick back.

Yes, it's great when parents teach their kids how to behave in public. Yes, I'd prefer kids learned from their parents and not strangers. But....

If you bring an undisciplined kid to a public place -- Disney or elsewhere -- and they assault me, you really shouldn't be surprised when I defend myself. Doesn't matter what medical or emotional condition he has, it's my own physical well-being I have an obligation and a right to protect.

Now given a chance, I'll bend down and talk to the kid. Most of the time, this works -- kids aren't used to being addressed by adults as an equal, and most rise to the occasion. This is my preferred technique, and it works most of the time.

When the kid (or adult, for that matter) cops an attitude, or kicks me again after I've gotten their attention and asked them politely to stop. I'll take what steps seem appropriate, from kicking back to pouring coffee.

I'm not saying this is something to be proud of, but then neither is letting myself be abused -- or taking an unruly and violent child out in public without restraining them.

Please, be a parent to your child ... so strangers like me don't have to.

[Syndrome]

Would you attack an adult as easily? Or just people you are bigger than?

I'll go for anyone, no matter what their size. I have gotten physical with adults too if they have violated my space and caused physical pain to me or were about to (for example, dude heading backwards at me and not listening at all got a water bottle right between the shoulder blades before he could make contact, and perhaps you read my story of kicking the moron at Halloween Horror Nights who bumped into me one too many times).

The kid was most definitely old enough to know it wasn't a game. I'm no mind reader, but I got the distinct impression that he did it purposely after I let him know gently the first time. I would have welcomed a comment from his parent, but interestingly enough he whispered something to Mommy and she never said a word or even glanced back...probably knew her brat had instigated it.

You might take a pummeling from a kid, but I won't. Even if it's a special needs youngster (and I didn't get the impression this one was...I'm not psychic, but being in the psych. business has given me a better than average sense), it's not my responsibility to be pummeled because a parent isn't taking proper precautions. I'm not talking an accidental bump or step or whatever here but willful behavior that happens more than once. Whatever the reason, make sure the kid's not in a position to do it at all or stop 'em immediately after the first time. If you don't, I'm taking self protective steps.

[LittleDollClaudia]

Wow.

I have an autistic son and the time he was growing up, yes there were a few issues. As anyone that has a disabled child can tell you.

You try the best you can to prevent it. Unfortunately, you cannot for every single moment of every day.

But I'm sorry, I have some trouble believing a 2 year old does not EVER have any flareups. I am not trying to call you out as a parent, but to say that your child has NEVER acted up, I beg to differ. Is she your only child?

My daughter, who has no disabilties whatsoever, is a very smart capable girl. But she had her moments that she had her own opinion on things. Not acting bratty, but definitely had her personality. My thing is this:

I don't condone children acting like punks, but I do believe in letting them be children.

I didn't see anything in your posting that your daughter is getting that chance. If I am wrong, I do apologize.

On the whole kicking back if someone hits you, obviously the OP meant that this was an isolated incident and honestly you don't know how you'll react until it happens to you.

Hopefully, you use your head and make the right decision, that's all I think that person was trying to convey.

[Syndrome]

I don't condone children acting like punks, but I do believe in letting them be children.

That is SUCH a good point! On the opposite end of the spectrum from Stomp Kid, I was in line for Space Mountain at DL one day and a little boy was behind me. I got the sense that he was on the spectrum by the way he was moving/acting, but he was not being disruptive to anyone else. He had a toy Mickey, and he suddenly started telling me all about it. Just went on and on, with me interjecting an occasion, "Oh, that's nice!" or whatever. Mom noticed what was going on and told him to stop bothering people. I almost said, "It's okay, he's not bothering me" but bit my tongue because if he was on the spectrum (or even if not), she might have been working on teaching him something and I didn't want to interfere. I felt a little badly for him tho' because he was really cute...honestly, he was almost cracking me up with his descriptions of how his "Space Mickey" was going for a flight.

There is "okay" physical contact too, and that is way different than a kid who deliberately jumps on someone's foot or kicks them in the shins or whatever. I remember when we lived in Chicago and were at the airport one day. I was standing in line when a toddler appeared out of nowhere and BONK! She runs right into me, bounces off, almost goes down but regains her feet and does it again! She managed three times before Mom swooped in and intercepted her. I think she had broken free from Mom, took off for freedom, and I happened to be between her and wherever she was trying to go. Being small and not having developed the necessary sense of cause and effect, she thought if she just kept running into the barrier, it might give. Obviously it didn't hurt much to have a toddler bouncing off me, and she wasn't doing it maliciously. She was actually a real cutie...poor mom was so embarrassed and apologized profusely, but I assured her it was no biggie and that her little one's judicious escape attempts had actually given me my laugh for the day.

Kids need the freedom to be kids, and most adults other than the crankiest sort understand that..and for the cranky ones, too bad. When it crosses the line into willful brat behavior, especially on a physical level, that's when it becomes unacceptable.

[DisneyMom]

You all are right about letting children be children.....but in my case,15 years ago, basically no one had even heard of Autism except for Rain Man, and I knew no one else who had kids with it. There were a few instances where Jamie would do something differently than another kid, nothing bad, and then I'd get "the Look" that would remind me that that my kid was always going to be different. It basically tore me up.
Times have changed! Last night we went to see Metallica, and Jamie was doing some high-energy Rockin' Out! (nothing that resembled a seizure:rolleyes :) I heard the people behind me making a comment about it, but I didn't worry about it. As it turned out, they must have been high because the woman of the pair started stomping and kicking at the seats right next to me and SHE was the one everyone was exchanging glances for! :p:

[hobie16]

Last night we went to see Metallica

We're you in the moshe pit? :D:

[june1st1997]

Its just that if you don't make your kids behave, you get the situation described above, and various incidents. I don't want to go to someplace wonderful like DLR or WDW, and have to deal with the parental shortcomings of theirs because they can't say "NO" or make their little perfect kids behave. (and ASK them, they will tell you that they are all perfect.)

The really good kids never need much supervision on their behaviour in a setting like the parks, the darlings that are perfect need continous watching.

I'm guessing the fundamental difference between me and the parents of the "perfect" kids is... I'm at DLR with my kid to spend time with my kid. We did not simply share a car ride there. If my kid did something I would see it and deal with it.

My kid is not perfect and I never said she was. She can be a handful. At home. I am very fortunate that she is very good in public. And it helps that I have very strict rules about what I expect from her in public. I was taught that if you can't behave in public, it is not OK to impact those around you.

I also know it's super hard for a 2year old to stand in line. I try and engage her alot in line, it's our time together. We go to DLR to connect. My DH and I did the same before her. I also know that if it's gonna be a long line or if I'm tired, I bring my iphone and let her watch tv. It keeps her in check. And I think those around us appreciate it. I'm not crazy about it, but you do what ya gotta do.

The kid was most definitely old enough to know it wasn't a game. I'm no mind reader, but I got the distinct impression that he did it purposely after I let him know gently the first time. I would have welcomed a comment from his parent, but interestingly enough he whispered something to Mommy and she never said a word or even glanced back...probably knew her brat had instigated it.

Look I was a jerk, It sounded like you to were bragging about kicking a kid. I have a kid. If you know the kid was just being a brat, go for it. It's not for me, but I'm sorry I judged you.

But I'm sorry, I have some trouble believing a 2 year old does not EVER have any flareups. I am not trying to call you out as a parent, but to say that your child has NEVER acted up, I beg to differ. Is she your only child?

My daughter, who has no disabilties whatsoever, is a very smart capable girl. But she had her moments that she had her own opinion on things. Not acting bratty, but definitely had her personality. My thing is this:

I don't condone children acting like punks, but I do believe in letting them be children.

I didn't see anything in your posting that your daughter is getting that chance. If I am wrong, I do apologize.

The child you see in public or preschool is not the child I have at home. She is willful, spirited and stubborn. She's 2. But I am super lucky that in public she is pretty easy. I can usually get away with a pretty stern look and a low, "knock it off or we are leaving". But I do let her be a kid. We were in CA yesterday and she wanted to ride the ladybugs again, I looked and saw there was no one in line, I let her run (jog) through the queue. There was no one there to bother and she was so excited.

She is my only.

And oh man does she flare up and me have some pretty good knock down drag out conflicts.

Really my comments were about her at DLR. And as a parent I am only doing the best I can. Neither one of us is perfect. I bribe her to use the potty. And she screams and throws things at home. In public so far she has been far easier than she is at home.