Stupid Guest Tricks

[font=Microsoft Sans Serif][CENTER]Churchy's Guide on How to Get Drunk in the Parks and Stay a Perfect Guest[/CENTER][/font]

HAVE A DESIGNATED SOBER PERSON WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES.

Puking: Your designated sober person should stop you from drinking so much that you start puking. Only toilets, trash cans that are lined with plastic bags, and bushes. Make sure your designated sober person cleans up the mess completely.

Movement: Drinking may be dandy until you drive into a tree or walk off of a balconey. Any movement when you are very drunk can be dangerous such as boating, driving, walking and crawling. Staff does not like to see your bloody skull and worse have to clean up the blood because you were to drunk to see the coffee table.

Mean Drunks: Make sure your designated sober person has lots of tranquilizer darts handy and have them shoot you to sleep everytime you get mean. When you are cussing out kids and staff then zap, huh, zzzzzzzzzzzz. Staff does not get paid to listen to your insults and slurring speach.

Spit: When you are getting so drunk that you are splattering people with saliva then your designated sober person should put a mask over your mouth and possibly hit you with a traquilizer dart.

WHAT DID YOU SAY: When you no longer can be understood by drunks and by sober people then you need your designated sober person to muzzle you or jab you with a tranquilizer dart. Staff has better things to do with its time than waiting 10 minutes for you to finally explain what you need.

Designated Sober Person's duties: The designated sober person is to make sure the drunk does not get hurt, cause damage and is the perfect drunk guest. The designated sober person makes sure the drunk gets to their room safely while keeping the out of trouble. They are like Jiminy Cricket, the little voice of reason for the drunk.

sja wrote:See, I'm the perfect guest. What do I win?

Our everlasting love and gratitude

:lovers:

Oooh snaps. Thank you. :D:

Okay, folks, the article -- "Being the Ideal Guest" -- is scheduled for this Thursday's (Nov. 2) PassPorter News. THANK YOU, SNAPS, etc., to everyone who contributed ideas!! And yes, Stupid Guest Tricks gets a major plug in the article, so we may see a few extra visitors here later this week. (Fear not, PassPorter readers are usually the best, most well-informed Disney guests, if I do say so myself.)

You can subscribe to the newsletter on PassPorter.com, on the left side of the page. I'm assuming you'd get this week's edition if you subscribe soon.

Thanks again, everyone!

HEY!!! Was churchy's post #32 towards me?
Buzzed maybe,but NEVER blitzed.


i still love you churchy. ;)

[quote="darph nader"]HEY!!! Was churchy's post #32 towards me?
Buzzed maybe,but NEVER blitzed.


i still love you churchy. ]
actually June 2005 was what that was based on. I took a trip through the midwest and part of the time was at a convention in Moline, Illinois.

Brentypoo (Name changed to protect the drunk) go so drunk that he would rant on and on about the other site stealing from him, cussing, vulgarities, and a lot of the stuff in the above post. He ended up almost going to jail because his friends were too drunk and did not care.

Also it is based on other drunks like the skinny old lady who leaned against the wall of the restaurant as she tried to get from the bar to the exit. That is about the waitress who has to stop and clean up the messes like when a drunk wants to take home the menudo and spills it. It is about the drunks I see pawing women and forgetting they are in a public place. It is the lady yelling at the owner like he was a dog "Jose, hey, Jose, come here!!!". It the countless hours wasted waiting for a drunk person to finish and then you having no clue as to what they were talking about.

Uh, is there a possibility of an addendum to that article? I would add that if you don't speak English, please bring an interpreter with you. Though major theme parks try to have staff on hand who are fluent in languages other than Spanish, it can be a royal pain if you don't understand a CM when they are trying to commincate with you, whether safety spiel, directions, etc.. There was a time I was just coming to work one day, and was informed by co-workers that an elderly Dutch couple had assaulted the Train Bandits during the "hold-up". They didn't really speak English, and management had a whale of a time getting through to them why you don't touch the Bandits! I'm not sure, but I think they had to call for an interpreter off-site.

Use cellphones for emergencies ONLY!!! For example, find a lost member of your party, not to conduct business over the phone. That is what work is for, you are on VACATION!!!!

I hear you DRLF,you brought this up on another thread.
One other thing 'I' might add,is don't wear your trading pins like badges of honor. When my family and were at D/L this Sept. I saw a Mutt and Jeff couple walking thru DTD with pins all over their vests AND hats. My thought was "GET A LIFE". DAMN,I have a SGT ballcap but don't flaunt it.
(of course I wear my 'I only drink beer on days that end in Y" t-shirt every chance I get).But mainstreeter and churchy already know that.