Stupid Guest Tricks

darph nader wrote:Score one for the wife.

darph, speaking of wife & scoring, ;) don't forget the anniversary this year. Yes, I do have a good memory.....sometimes. & Baker's birthday is soon. U R welcome. :p: Ok guys, 10 posts & I threw in an "off topic." Not bad odds for a thread. Continue Please. :)

Thank you.

My wife said her father had died, and she needed the family to rally around.

So I went out and purchased 4 Mitsubishi Evos, 3 Subaru WRXs and organized driver training lessons for the entire family for navigation and off-road driving skills, then created a figure 8 course looping around the family house including a flyover right over the roof and a complex light and time measurement system in order to calculate winning times.

And then the fight started...

My wife was complaining this morining that her breasts where too small. I suggested that she should rub toilet paper between them and they will get bigger. She stopped and looked at me and asked "do you really think that will work" to which I replied " it should it worked for your ass"

And the the fight started.

jerlove wrote:My wife was complaining this morining that her breasts where too small. I suggested that she should rub toilet paper between them and they will get bigger. She stopped and looked at me and asked "do you really think that will work" to which I replied " it should it worked for your ass"

And the the fight started.

You're a brave young man.

hobie16 wrote:You're a brave young man.

Brave, yes

bright? not so much.

GRUMPY PIRATE wrote:Brave, yes

bright? not so much.

Dinner that night consisted of hot tongue and cold shoulder.

hobie16 wrote:Dinner that night consisted of hot tongue and cold shoulder.

Hmmm, guess it depends on what you do with the tongue!!!

WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,
I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' The driver says, Gee,
officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun
needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:

'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise
control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and
growls,

'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says.

'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector
unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,

'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says,*

'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.*

That's an automatic $75 fine.

' The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it
off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back*
pocket.'

The wife says,

'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on.

You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns
to his wife and barks,

'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always*
talk to you this way, Ma'am

'Only when he's been drinking.'

I truly believe she'd be walking home after that.

hobie16 wrote:I truly believe she'd be walking home after that.

Nope, she would have hubby in jail and then she could divorce him and get everything. While he is in jail transfer everything she could into her name and move all the furniture out of the house and replace it with junk. If I was her I would really make him look bad, lol, evil woman am I.