Nobody Disciplines their Kids

[DisneyMom]

Don't recall if I ever told this before....
Take youngest son to Kmart when he was about 3,he sees something he wants. I say no. He proceeds to have MAJOR tantrum! I drag him out of the store while he is screaming, people are wondering if I am kidnapping him "Is that your child?" "Yes", I reply, "Do you want him?"

Now that he is 18, I realize that I did my best, but Damn, everytime I set expectations and limits, he has a whole chorus of friends (and even their parents) telling him that I am too harsh and unfair

I am hoping he'll appreciate my parenting style by the time he has kids.

[hobie16]

I am hoping he'll appreciate my parenting style by the time he has kids.

Payback is becoming a grandparent. :twisted:

[smart1hermione]

Payback is becoming a grandparent. :twisted:

That's what my mom always says..

"I'm going to give them all the candy they want and let them touch the steamy bathroom mirrors" was a common threat in my house.

[svickersart]

I threw a fit in a store once when i was little, my mom just walked away, i never did it again.

I remember being in a store once when I was a teenager and there was a little kid trowing a fit, my dad picked up a wooden spoon and handed it to the kids mom and told her "use this" she really gave him the stink eye on that one.

I was a terrible kid and spent way to much time in the office, or cooling my heals outside my classroom, when my dad got called in tot he office because I was in trouble his responce to the principal was "why are you calling me for this? whoop his ass and send him back to class".

I never got suspended from school but did cause my fair share of trouble, I got sent to the office, sat in the hall, spanked, grounded, things taken away, I think I turned out to be a decent person. Never been to jail, dont do drigs, not a drunk like my father, work full time and have since I was in my teens.

My GF's son loses video games and TV, he's a pretty good kid, just a normal 12 YO so he will try to get away with things but we dont let him. He has never had a spanking but he's getting big and I've told my GF she's going to have to slap him down at some point because he's going to try to bully her and she will need to put him in his place.

I have also told him not to be an SG, he, like many kids want to sit on the chains and climb on stuff at the parks and I've told him the CM's dont like it and they call people who do that stupid guests and I ask him if he wants to be an SG or a good guest, he wants to be a good guest so he makes a real effort to not perform and SG tricks. He has learned what an SG trick is and will even point them out to me, usually with a "Dee Dee Dee". Someday he's going to get his ass kicked for saying it to loud but at least he understands what it means.

He's also A.D.D. and you can tell a difference if he doesnt take his meds, or when they wear off late in the day, but mostly he gets argumentitive with us, must be a comfort zone there. Mostly though he's just being a kid and sometimes you have to remind them who's boss.

Steve

[EeyoresButterfly]

This is why a course in behavior modification should be a requirement for becoming a parent. I will admit I don't agree with spanking. If you spank your child does that mean you are a terrible person? No. But for me it is not an option for discipline. I am a fan of love and logic (natural consequence whenever it is safe to do so). I would probably glare at somebody if they pulled a stunt like that in a grocery store. There are other ways to handle tantrums, half the time it is for the attention. There is a thing in behavior modification called extinction. You take away any reinforces for a behavior (normally attentions). There are kids who will throw tantrums for the attention or to leave the place they are at. With extinction, you simply ignore it. You will experience what is called and extinction burst (the behavior will temporarily get worse), but within a surprisingly short amount of time the behavior will stop.

I do know parents who discipline their kids effectively without having to resort to spanking, etc., by setting rules, giving the child responsibilities, rewarding good behavior, and using the time-out when the rules are violated. It's unfortunate that the term "abuse" has such a broad meaning with no clear boundaries that it's often, well, abused.

I had a friend from college who went on to teach in NYC public schools and he once reported that they can't even make kids sit in the hallway when they've been disruptive (cruel punishment), and when kids get suspended they still have to come to school (also cruel punishment, plus fear they'll get arrested or killed on the streets).

My favorite story from my father's childhood is his mother's method of correcting his habit of calling his older brother a "liar". My grandmother had him write, 'I shall strike the nomenclature prevaricator from my vocabulary' 100 times. He had to tell her what it meant. If he didn't know what the words meant, he had to look it up. He never did this again! ;)

I will agree with not having a child sit in the hallway. Not because it is cruel but because as a teacher I am legally responsible for whatever happens to that child. If that child were to run away, get injured, etc. and I had them where they were not visible to me, I am guilty of neglect and breach of duty. I could be successfully sued and lose my certification.

What my district does with suspensions is a homebound tutor or classes at the juvenile center. The child is removed from the environment, but is still responsible for learning the material. This should be used as a last resort though, as a school's primary purpose is to educate, and education is difficult if the child is not present.

[lady ulrike]

I hate getting the stares when I have to dicipline my oldest daughter in public. She is 2 (almost 3), she is going to mis-behave. It sucks, you tell em no and she screams, getting the stink eye from people who don't want to hear a screaming kid. If you give them everything they turn into spoiled brats and you get the stink eye from people who (rightfully) complain about spoiled kids. When we do have to tell her no and she screams, I get on her level, make her look at me, tell her to calm down and then explain to her why. If that doesn't work and she keeps going, then it is time to go to the car/bathroom.

See I have no problem with parents who do this, I know kids are going to act up. What gets me is when the kid acts up the parent (sometimes) says quit it (or some variant) but does nothing else. The kid keeps throwing their fit and disrupting everyone. Whether it's what the kid wants or not, you have to remove the child so you don't disturb everyone else. I have spent a good portion of movies standing in the hallway cause my daughter was fussy if I was sitting. And I have completely walked out of theaters if she was still fussy when I got to the hallway. It's part of being a parent, you sometimes have to miss out something you want. We went camping this last weekend, we were there less than 24 hours it was raining and my daughter might have been getting sick (she might have been teething, we weren't sure) we decided to leave because she might have been getting sick and being in the cold and wet would've made it worse. Again, you sometimes miss things you want to do as a parent, it's called being a parent (well, a good parent anyway)

This is why a course in behavior modification should be a requirement for becoming a parent. I will admit I don't agree with spanking. If you spank your child does that mean you are a terrible person? No. But for me it is not an option for discipline. I am a fan of love and logic (natural consequence whenever it is safe to do so).

I am a fan of logic and such too, but I believe there are a very few situations where spanking (and I don't mean a beating a quick swat on the butt) is probably best. Two year old running to the street is likely not to understand logic about it hurting when you get hit by a car, but the will understand the pain on their bottom from a swat. Now with that being said, I may change my mind in the real near future cause I am amazed at what my daughter seems to understand now, so maybe I am wrong about 2 year olds not understanding the logic, but if my daughter does it repeatedly, even if I think she understands me, she'll still get a swat cause I don't want her seriously hurt if she continues to not listen to the logic. Talk to me in a year or two and we'll see where I stand on this issue.

[SRT_GB]

It's part of being a parent, you sometimes have to miss out something you want... Again, you sometimes miss things you want to do as a parent, it's called being a parent (well, a good parent anyway)

AMEN! We spend lots of time at baseball games, which our 2 y/o really enjoys, but he sometimes needs to get out of our seats and go for a walk. That and he's potty training. We've missed home runs and other exciting plays because we're either out walking on the concourse or in the bathroom. Fortunately there are television screens all over the concourses and stores, and radio feeds in the restrooms and elevators so I can at least follow the game. But hey, we suck it up and deal with it because we know it's what comes with being parents.

It'll be interesting when we take him to his first movie in a movie theater next month to see Wall-E (he loves all the Pixar movies and I'm sure this will be no different). He's seen a couple of movies at a drive-in, including Ratatouille, but he didn't take that too well. By contrast we've taken him to ballet and symphony performances and he loves them.

[ktulu]

See I have no problem with parents who do this, I know kids are going to act up. What gets me is when the kid acts up the parent (sometimes) says quit it (or some variant) but does nothing else. The kid keeps throwing their fit and disrupting everyone. Whether it's what the kid wants or not, you have to remove the child so you don't disturb everyone else. I have spent a good portion of movies standing in the hallway cause my daughter was fussy if I was sitting.

Been there! Abby enjoyed Meet The Robinsons, she watched the whole thing. We took her to Shrek, she was not interested. I missed 1/2 of the movie entertaining her in the hall waiting for my wife and our friends to finish the movie. We're going to try again with Wall-E next month!

I agree with you on the spanking. Logic works sometimes, but Abby has already shown that despite what we tell her, she will exercise her free will and keep up with whatever activity we are trying to stop, at that point she gets a swat on the bottom. I don't think it really hurts her, cause her cry with a spanking vs. really getting hurt are way different. It is all about the shock I think.

[Big Wallaby]

Well, until kids are older, I don't think they're really supposed to hurt, so much as surprise and stun, with a bit of embarrassment. Sure, there's a touch of pain involved, but that is not the main point.

It's kinda like at AK, the way we keep animals in their areas. If you look carefully, while the elephants can't really get out with the giraffes and antelopes, there's not much keeping the antelopes out of the elephant area. However, if you look carefully, you'll also see little wire things that stick up, and the animals associate those with pain. It's part of their training, and I have to figure there must be some pain involved in the learning. Sometimes, to protect these animals, some of which are nearly irreplaceable, some pain has to be used, unless you are going to keep the animals in cages, and then the safari ceases to have any meaning.

[accioetoile]

I actually just had an argument over something like this at work. I was a cashier, and I had this woman come through my line. She was with 2 little boys, and one was crying. She would not buy him a toy because he was crying, even though he was begging her. She told him, very calmly, that she wouldn't buy him the toy while he was crying, because she wasn't going to reward his negative behavior. She said he needed to change his attitude, and when he said he would do anything for the toy, she told him he needed to stop crying. She had him go sit in a chair while she was finishing the purchase, and he started kicking the chairs. She told him to stop. As they were leaving, she grabbed his hand to stop him from running off, and he screamed. These two women I work with were at the customer service desk, one had gotten up there as the customer was leaving, one had seen the whole incident. The woman who just got there said "that woman is mean!" I interjected, and said "no, she's not. He was crying, and so she wouldn't buy him a toy, because she didn't want to reward his behaviour." They then got to talking about how she should have just ignored him, and let him cry. I so wanted to say something, but another customer had come up, so I wasn't able to. But that woman should not have ignored the kids behaviour. I think she did the right thing in talking to him, explaining why he wasn't getting the toy. I cannot stand when parents ignore the child, so the child just gets louder and louder, and then they end up buying the kid the toy to shut them up.

The only thing I didn't agree with the way the woman handled the situation was when she told him that if he didn't stop kicking the chairs, I was going to call the police. I don't like when parents place me in that situation, I'm not going to agree with them when they want me to say that, and I think it just makes it harder for the kids to understand that the police are there to help them when they need it, not to punish them when they're naughty.