Stupid Pest Tricks

[drcorey]

Do you know the vermin at the parks can steal like half your food soon as you turn your head. sitting down stairs at the hungry bear, set tray down, get up to walk 5 feet to get ketchup, turn around to see mice and chipmonks racing off with fries in thier mouths.
years ago, they Might come near you and beg, now it seems to be every vermin for themselfs. At least they replace food if you make a stink about it. geez, talk about fast food. I cant wait until the other guests there stary taking your stuff. I am afraid I will turn around and see a family eatting my food. theft is on the rise, I hear people lose all kinds of things out of bags and carts now. food is next. good thing is thou, once you are caught, you are out of the parks.

[WEDFan]

I think a large part of the problem is the constant feeding of the wildlife by guests. It's a short step from "Here have some" to "help yourself". It's amazing the number of people who will feed the birds while sitting right next to the sign asking them not to. Well, maybe amazing isn't quite the right word. It's hard to be truly amazed at people in the parks anymore.

[TiggerHappy]

Too many people feeding wildlife for too many years have bred the fear of humans right out of any critter living in Disneyland. Birds are really the worst of them. I blame Disney for making it look neat to have birds and wild animals near you (e.g. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, etc.). It's annoying for us bussers and custodials to clean up because people will purposefully throw food on the ground in order to feed those pests. It's gotten to the point where birds have literally dive-bombed within an inch past me just to get some food before I clean it up.

Not only that, but when they're eating near tables, lo and behold, they'll also poop near them as well. Tables and chairs are not safe from their butt slime and it's even more annoying when they do it right after you finish sprucing up a table for Guests. Think people will stop feeding them if we spread some bird flu propaganda around?

[DisneyMom]

Ha! My Favorite Pin Trader was TERRIFIED of a duck that had wandered to the Trading area that is now Jolly Holiday Bakery...."They have DUCKS here?!?!" She also wondered if they have teeth! :D:

Wonder how she likes new Pin Trading Area at Big Thunder Ranch....... :chicken2: :goose2: :flybongo:

[ktulu]

Too many people feeding wildlife for too many years have bred the fear of humans right out of any critter living in Disneyland. Birds are really the worst of them. I blame Disney for making it look neat to have birds and wild animals near you (e.g. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, etc.).

No kidding! I hate Warner Bros for the same reasons, specifically Wile E. Coyote. I spent months in a hospital after having an anvil dropped on me. I don't get started on the injuries I received after attaching rockets to my back and wearing modified roller skates on railroad tracks.

Oh, if you get shot in the face while wearing a duck bill disguise, it won't just make the duck bill spin around and cover your face in soot. Glad we tested that one on a dummy first. I still miss Bobby...

[200footdrop]

No kidding! I hate Warner Bros for the same reasons, specifically Wile E. Coyote. I spent months in a hospital after having an anvil dropped on me. I don't get started on the injuries I received after attaching rockets to my back and wearing modified roller skates on railroad tracks.

Oh, if you get shot in the face while wearing a duck bill disguise, it won't just make the duck bill spin around and cover your face in soot. Glad we tested that one on a dummy first. I still miss Bobby...

Sorry to derail this topic, but I just had to post this... http://www.legalnews.net/quotes/wilee.htm

[Cheshire Figment]

In The United States District Court for the District of Arizona

Case No. B19293

Wile E. Coyote, Plaintiff

vs.

Acme Company, Defendant )
and ) Jointly and Severally
Marvin Acme, Defendant )


OPENING STATEMENT OF ARTHUR B. FUDDLE, ESQUIRE,
COUNSEL FOR DEFENDANT

By Mr. Fuddle:

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury: the opening statement you have just heard from Mr. Shyster on behalf of the plaintiff, Wile E. Coyote, paints an incomplete picture of what occurred on the occasions when Mr. Coyote claims he was injured by ACME products.

The evidence will clearly show that my clients, Acme Products Corp., a Division of Dangerously Innovative Products and Patents Incorporated (or "DIPPI") and Marvin Acme, are not at fault in this matter, and that any injuries sustained by the plaintiff were clearly caused by his own negligence, assumption of the risk and/or misuse of the products.

Now, we have all seen the footage on television of the plaintiff withstanding various injuries which appear to be caused by Acme's products. You have seen over and over the tape of a hapless coyote being bludgeoned by a boulder as he is helplessly trapped by his Acme Spring-Loaded Shoes. We have all seen the photographs taken at Warner Memorial Hospital of Mr. Coyote in a very small incubator, on life support, as his doctors attempt to straighten out the accordion-like folds from his body. We have all seen the gruesome images of the operation in which Dr. Tazmanian D. Devil whirls like a dervish, obscuring his features and creating a starry, "dust cloud" effect, while numerous limbs holding various surgical instruments swiftly repair the nerve damage to Mr. Coyote's extremities.

It is normal for any human being to feel pity, horror, and even anger at such images. I want you to put those images aside for the moment, because they paint an incomplete picture. What the media has not disclosed to you, and what you will see in this courtroom, are various attempts at murder committed by the plaintiff - attempts which, fortunately, failed - while using my client's products. As the plaintiff readily admits, he is a predator, and his sole function in life is to track down and kill an innocent, highway traversing ornithoid.

You see, ladies and gentleman, while the plaintiff is a natural predator, he is not a very good one. His own skills were inadequate to complete the task at hand, so he chose to seek the aid of various devices to effectuate his diabolical schemes. He looked in a catalogue, saw my client's products, and ordered them in the hope that they would assist him in killing his prey.

But ladies and gentleman, Acme's products are not meant to cause intentional harm to anyone. The plaintiff has taken what were designed as amusements, toys for the young and the feebleminded, and has twisted their use to his own purposes.

But I digress. Let us examine the plaintiff's claims and how the evidence clearly refutes the proposition that Acme is responsible for any harm sustained by the plaintiff.

Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received an Acme Rocket Sled, that he attempted to use said rocket sled to pursue his prey, and that, upon igniting the sled, it accelerated with "sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of fifty feet."

There are several reasons why Acme cannot be held responsible for any injuries caused by this incident. First, the warning label attached conspicuously to the inside of the left front tire of the sled clearly stated, and I quote: "WARNING: IGNITION OF THIS DEVICE AT FULL THROTTLE MAY CAUSE SUDDEN AND PRECIPITATE FORCE AS TO STRETCH USER'S FORELIMBS TO A LENGTH OF UP TO SIXTY FEET, OR MAY CAUSE DEATH." That the plaintiff suffered so little as a result of his carelessness can be attributed only to Providence.

[Cheshire Figment]

Second, Arizona law is clear on this point: a plaintiff who is found to be violating any law whose purpose is safety at the time of his injury is contributorily negligent, per se. There is ample evidence that Mr. Coyote was violating both the laws of gravity and inertia at the time of this incident, and thus he is responsible for his own woes.

I could list many more examples of Mr. Coyote's negligent conduct in connection with his use of Acme's products, but you will hear all about them as the trial goes on. You will also hear the following evidence:

(1) You will hear the plaintiff himself testify that, prior to the injuries complained of in this accident, he has suffered numerous injuries. As an example, on one occasion prior to the use of any Acme product, the plaintiff cornered his prey on the edge of a rather thin precipice. Taking an ordinary saw, the plaintiff began cutting away so that the edge of the cliff, with his prey on it, would drop some 1500 feet to a jagged, rocky destruction. Instead, by some inexplicable twist of fate the edge of the cliff remained standing while the whole mountain, on which the plaintiff was standing, plummeted to the bottom of the ravine, causing numerous injuries which affect the plaintiff to this day.

On another occasion, Mr. Coyote was chasing his prey and followed it off of the edge of a cliff onto thin air, not realizing until too late that his prey, a bird, could remain in the air almost indefinitely while he, a canine, could not. As a result, he fell yet again, suffering even further severe and debilitating injuries which predate the injuries complained of in this action.

(2) You will also hear the testimony of Mr. Road Runner, the plaintiff's prey and the true victim in this tragedy. Mr. Runner has been forced to live a nomadic lifestyle as a result of Mr. Coyote's unwanted attention, preventing him from forming any type of long term relationships. Numerous restraining orders had no effect. Mr. Runner has also suffered numerous psychological problems as a result of Mr. Coyote's actions, including but not limited to an inability to trust anyone who provides him with birdseed, a necessary ingredient in his daily nutritional schedule.

(3) You will also hear from a witness to many of the incidents alleged in plaintiff's complaint, a colorful local prospector with red hair and moustache who has been known to proclaim: "No rootin' tootin' coyote can outsmart Yosemite Sam on any day of the week!" Don't be fooled by his gruff manner and twin pearl-handled six-shooters, he's a pussycat.

(4) Customer service records of defendant Acme, which we were forced to produce in this matter, clearly show that none of the complaints registered by Acme's customers nationwide have ever resulted in criminal convictions of the officers of the corporation.

(5) Finally, videotape evidence will demonstrate that plaintiff faked many of his injuries, setting out to create performances especially for a jury such as yourself. On numerous occasions he would "mug" for the camera, as if he was well aware beforehand that he was being taped. For instance, during the "Rocket Sled" incident, as his forelimbs were stretched out ahead of him and his body remained behind, he looked straight into the camera with a forlorn, tired expression, as if to say: "Look at how terrible my situation is, can you guess what's going to happen to me now." This jury is too smart to fall for such petty theatrics.

In summary, ladies and gentlemen, it will be clear to you from the evidence that Acme's products, if used properly, will cause only minimal injuries to a user and his loved ones. The plaintiff in this case has brought his troubles upon himself by adopting his carnivorous lifestyle. As others have so adequately uttered: "Live by the Super Slick Jet Propulsion Automated Explosive Metal-Shearing Heat-Seeking Laser-Guided Razor-Edged Boomerang, die by the Super Slick, etc."

I ask you, on behalf of my clients, to dismiss the plaintiff's claims against them.

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(NOTE: At this posting there is no attribution as to the original source of the lawsuit. However, there is attribution to Stephen Menard, a litigation attorney at a defense firm in Philadelphia, for the Opening Statement of the Defense Counsel.